I blinked

I knew there was something I was forgetting…..Kind of like that damn dream where you wake up in a cold sweat because you just know that you enrolled in a class in college and you forgot to go…I am going to just chalk this month up to motherhood amnesia and life…A whole lot of life.

To be honest, I am a little life hungover right now but in a good way. My introverted self is exhausted to the core but in a good cozy by the fire, warm in your tummy, content sort of way. That may not make sense to anyone else but me…..

So, where have I been? Good question and I am not sure I have a solid answer. But, I am going to throw it all out there in true photo dump blog fashion.

We closed up the high tunnel for year. Disced that lettuce right under and said good night.

 

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We traveled out-of-town to see a local Christmas production….We lasted till intermission before we bailed. I know it is rude but Mae and adults alike had had there fill.

 

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We hosted godparents and family this past weekend for Mae’s baptism. I overly stressed in true Stacie fashion and was drained when it was all over but we had a wonderful time. Mae loved her dress and knew it was her special day. She sang a little song all the way to Mass that morning…..”Baptism…Baptism….Baptism!”

 

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OH…yeah and there was a Thanksgiving in there somewhere…

 

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This was our first PALEO Thanksgiving and it was a hit.

 

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We said goodbye to this guy. We was getting up there in years and not moving the best any longer. It was also time to bring in some new genetics….So…. we artificially inseminated 25 cows this past weekend (and a baptism, crazy – I know).

 

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Add Christmas shopping and prep for a house full the day after Christmas…..

Oh…and we are working on another Christmas project for Mae.  I am envisioning a late night Christmas eve again……More to come on that.

 

Pumpkin Patch 2014

We had temps in the twenties last night and it is crazy to think that these pictures I am downloading and posting are only a few weeks old.  Leave it to us to head to the pumpkin patch on the hottest fall day of the year.  80+……was a little too warm for the patch.  But we hung in there.

 

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Happy Fall…..ok maybe…..Happy early winter!

 

 

 

 

Treat!

Mae got right to the point during trick-or-treating. She held out that plastic pumpkin and said , “Treat!”.

No tricks here….just give me that sugar.

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Little Minnie Mouse was so bundled up for the blast of arctic air we got that about the only thing you could see were her little ears sticking up out of her coat.   We had a blast anyway!

 

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Here is a shot of Mae and Daddy’s first pumpkin carving experience.  Mae used her crayons and her butter knife to help Daddy do the carving.

 

Happy Chilly Halloween!

 

about a bike

Katrina did an awesome review of a balance bike awhile back…..And to make a long story short.  I WAS SOLD.

Technically this is a Christmas present that we are enjoying a wee bit early.

 
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There are no pedals to master and Mae hit the ground running with this little bike.  She is going at about a snails pace for now but speed will come.  She was beyond excited!

 

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fall walks

One of most enjoyable parts of fall weather for me is the opportunity to walk. Walk without humidity, chiggers, bugs, flies etc.

One minute we putting on our coats and stocking caps…..

 

The next minute we are back in our t-shirts exploring the pond and playing in the sand……

 

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Off to the state park swing set we go……

 

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All the while taking in the fall beauty all around us…..

 

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Newly sprouted turnips……..

 

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Splashing in those muddy puddles…..

 

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Hanging out with those heifers…..

 

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Fall is the season that could give just about anyone the farming fever……………

Mae Day

This little blog has a bit of an identity crisis most days. It wants to be a farm blog or diy blog, but it keeps slipping into mommy blog land. Who am I to fight it?

So this morning is all about Mae.  All 2 1/2 years of cuteness. Little Bit. Little Miss. Mae Mae. Sweets.

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She ran right up to this pumpkin, wrapped her little arms around it and exclaimed, “I love it, I love it!”.

 

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This is a ballet costume of mine circa 1986 that Mae proudly struts around in.  When Eddie offered her a handful of popcorn, she took the whole bowl and sat right down in the kitchen to munch on her “aircorn”.

 

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We ventured to the hair salon last week for Mae’s first real haircut.  As we entered the doors of the salon she called out, “Me get haircut!” to anyone that would listen. A little trim on the ends and some new bangs and she was thrilled.  She loved the entire experience.

 
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I have to confess that we have only taken Mae out for ice cream once.  Not just once this year, but once ever…..We just don’t eat it and it is ten miles away so excuses, excuses it hasn’t happened much.  Mae was more interested in all the people than the ice cream.  A few licks and a couple of spoonfuls from me and she was done.  Another example of misplaced mommy guilt.

 

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This brave kid has little to no fear.  She loves animals without trepidation.  Squeezes those kitties, pulls the dog’s tail, talks to the cows, and stomps on bugs.  After finding a snake in the road that Yaya ran over, she got down nose to nose with it and probably would have tried to put it in her pocket if I had let her.  She is the sweetest and toughest little girl I know.

She asks to go on adventures which are usually farm exploration walks on the farm.  Last weekend, YaYa, Mae and I walked the half mile up to the back pond looking for frogs.  They were a little too quick for us to catch but Mae loved it just the same.

Our morning routine has settled into a super sweet cuddly routine at the crack of dawn.  Mae woke at 4:45 this morning for a little milk and mommy time. I slide into bed with her and after sucking down a bottle, she throws both her arms around my neck, grins real big and falls back sleep.  All of this happens with her eyes still closed.  Sometimes, after 10-20 min or so, I can slide out of that little embrace and salvage a chance at a shower before work.  This morning, we did this twice.  4:45 and 6:30.  Two bottles, two cuddle sessions and she was back asleep.  Only to be awoken by the dog barking at 7:00.  All of this plays havoc on a morning schedule for a working mom but I can’t and won’t bring myself to change it.  I miss so much during the day that a few extra minutes in the morning are too precious to waste.

I don’t know what we would do without this little bundle of sweetness.

I am oh so grateful.

 

out of the mouth of babes

The other night we were having a rather loud “discussion” about the need to call a plumber for our septic system that seems to have acquired a bad attitude lately.

For the record, holding the handle on the commode just right, DOES NOT FIX THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway….about 5 minutes into the “discussion”, Mae apparently decided that she had enough.

She walked right up to me, put her finger in my face and said, “Calm down buddies!”  And then she was off across the room to do the same to Daddy……

“Calm down buddies. Calm down buddies.  Calm down buddies.”

That just slays me.  I don’t have a clue where she picked up on that phrase but I can’t think of a better way to diffuse a situation and bring on the giggles.

Way to go, Mae!

Mommy and Daddy got the message and we love you very much.

It will happen again, but I know now that you will keep us on our toes!

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Mae is all about dressing herself. Here she is modeling her swimsuit inside out!

healing slowly…..

 

Mae’s sweetness is keeping me going.

 

Moments like…..

When she puts her little arm around me while laying on the floor, coloring and says “ok, mommy?”

Yes, I am sweets.  Or, I will be soon.  No matter that I was writing out the names of all my babies on the coloring book at that exact moment. She knew.  Yes, she did.

Moments like…..

When we are cuddled up on the chaise lounge watching “evie” (TV in our house) and when I scooch her up higher so she can see better…..And she says, “no, mommy, cuddle” and she scooches right back down and lays her head on my chest.

Moments like……

Every morning without fail she wakes up at 5:30…..she just wants to get in bed with me to cuddle.  After a quick swig of milk she is fast asleep.

All the while, tugging on my ear for comfort.  There is no way I can sleep but it doesn’t matter.

Moments like…..

When Mae climbs up in her booster seat for dinner and says….“for this day…amen……god bless me”.

I wish I could say that it is due to our prayer diligence at the table but I will have to concede that it is probably the influence from daycare….

 

Another day with Mae is another day to heal.

loss is a loss

They mean well….I know they do.

But awkward attempts to comfort after another pregnancy loss are just empty hollow promises of better times.

Please know that……my heart is broken again.

The tears sting just as hard this time.

The ache is just as strong this time.

Again, my head is swimming with thoughts of missed memories, touches, smells and laughter.

But this time around there is a new emotion.

FEAR.

The fear of no hope.

The fear that this is the reality of a family with one child.

The fear of the conversation with my daughter one day about being an only child.

Just because I have grieved before doesn’t mean I can’t go it again.

Just because I have grieved before doesn’t mean I do it well.

Just cry with me.

That is all you can do.

 

i had a birthday

a big one.

35

It snuck up on me.  I remember forecasting from the ripe old age of 25 that I would be a little sad….depressed….or some other nonsense.  Isn’t that the typical stereotype of turning a big milestone age?

My grandma always said she was 29 when asked.  Even up into her seventies.  I guess that was the best stopping place for her.  I wonder what it was about that number.  Was it an extra special or was it only special because it wasn’t 30.  I will never know.

But,  I don’t wish to be another age.  This one is just fine.

I took the day off work and decided to make that a yearly tradition.  Even as Mae gets older she will still be out of school in July and I hope that we can have lots more just mommy and bebe days.

This birthday was as low-key as they get.  My parents came over in the morning for our family tradition of birthday pancakes.  I have had a box of gluten-free pancake mix lying around for a while and decide to give it a go….well, my dad’s response was “tastes like recycled cardboard”.  Needless to say, it wasn’t a hit but we had sausage on the side and managed to salvage the meal.

Then off to the farm to take a walk we went.

incredible cool weather in July

incredible cool weather in July

 

Yesterday’s weather was unbelievably nice.  High of 79 with a nice cool breeze.  If the air had had a touch of salt spray I would have sworn I was staying on the beach.  There wasn’t even a hint of a Missouri muggy July.  Papa requested that I order in the same type of weather for my next birthday as well.

 

hiking in July in rubberboots

hiking in July in rubberboots

 

We had lunch out in town with Yaya and I rounded out the afternoon with a massage that happened to fall on my birthday by pure dumb luck.

When I mentioned my birthday to my masseur she commented with excitement that 35 is such a fun age.  I am not sure I responded because I was drifting to sleep thinking about that statement……From my perspective:

Thirty-five is an exciting age.

Thirty five is the age of responsibility.

Thirty-five is the age of soul-searching.

Thirty-five is the age of family time.

Thirty-five is the age of hard work and planning.

It never occurred to me to think of this age as one of FUN.  I think I will have to give this all some more thought.  Because until yesterday, I didn’t realize that thirty-five is the age of whatever I want it be.

 

 

 

 

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